by Beverly
On March 31, with the Moon in the east and Venus in the west, we said our
final farewell to Raven Moonshadow. It was a painfully beautiful ceremony
and many were thanked for their participation. I would like to add thanks to
Paul and Shelley, Eron, Pali, Dana and Corby for standing Dragon Duty at a
moments notice.
I also must publicly thank Kathy Tang, Kiki, and Ray for organizing an
incredibly energetic and powerful ritual benefit to help me meet my medical
bills, with special thanks to Jeffrey Alphonsus and Sara Taub for their
masterful drumming and July Lewis for a wild and springly trance.
As Doug and I wind down our second year facilitating on-going weekly magical
training, I look back. It has been a very challenging year! We returned
from our summer writing and studying Brazilian ritual in Bahia to a cat in
need of surgery, a car that wouldn't run and 30 days notice from our landlord
Still we proceeded with our plan to begin our year's activities with a Fall Equinox Retreat; a journey into the land of Demeter and Persephone. I can still picture the twenty three of us wandering amongst the redwoods, red glass- encased candles in hand, some whispering, some calling out "Persephone"; and later, watching the candle lit faces through the trees as they returned from the labyrinth to the fire where Laura Wyrd and I called them with our drums. Later that weekend I made a personal plea to Persephone to help me let go of my workaholic patterns. Five days later, with a torn ACL (the ligament that keeps one's knee in alignment) and a bucket tear of the meniscal cartilage, I remembered that such requests can be tempered by the words "gently and kindly". In pain and unable to stand or walk without crutches, not only was I not able to work, I was forced to ask for help, over and over, and over again.
Now some of you may be thinking to yourselves, so what's so hard about asking for help? And though rationally I agree, my younger self is sure that all those people she loves so much will simply turn around and run for the hills should she ask them for ....help.
So I struggled with my now unavoidable challenge unsure whether or not I would dance or cartwheel again. Baffled that the main establishment I had taught under for over six years was refusing me any benefits or compensation whatsoever, I filed for a workers comp appeal, went on welfare and food stamps and tried hard not to get really depressed.
Still, no one disappeared! The day of our move friends were everywhere (many from our year-round magical training). July and Georgie even came in to wash the floors and vacuum the rugs before and after the move! My frightened younger self, though still terrified, was taking notice.
I woke up from my surgery to find my doctor had cut out the entire mid section of my patella tendon to create a new ligament, adding new heights to the sum total of pain and disability in my short 38 years. More terrified than ever, I even had to ask for help to relieve my bladder, issuing guttural Kung Fu-like shouts to muster up the strength to lift my swollen purple and blue leg out of the passive motion machine and lower it enough to piss into the Nancy's yogurt container.
It was during this 'unbearable period' that my younger self was shown again and again, through word and deed, that the man she lived with was not going to leave her, no matter how much help she needed. Again she simply took note.
It is April. The appeal hasn't yet been decided and I still can't really dance or cartwheel , still, I look back on the last seven months with gratitude; to Doug , to the students and student teachers of our year-round magical training, to the community we've created together and will continue to create.
And I look forward to the fall when we will again go searching for Persephone. I look forward to welcoming our students Mary Dedanan, Kathy Tang and Gary Jaron into their new roles as co-facilitators. Most of all I look forward to dancing with you all again in wild abandon.
* If you are interested in receiving our magical training schedule of classes and events for the coming year call us and leave your address at (415) 331-WAND.